The Norwich Bulletin Article about BCforum

For 45 members of a breast cancer support group on the Internet, Ronda Burge represents their worst fear.

Burge, who lives in Georgia, has a type of breast cancer that has spread beyond the breast. A heart condition prevents her from receiving the proper treatment. Doctors say she has little, if any, chance of survival.

But today, two women she's never met in person will take a plane from Providence and present her with a quilt as a gesture of encouragement on behalf of all the members of the support group from across the country.

"It's like a big hug," Pat D'Andria said.

D'Andria, 42, of Griswold and Susan Frisius, 50, of Massachusetts will take the two-day trip.

D'Andria and Frisius met on the Internet and have met face-to-face a few times.

D'Andria volunteered to make the quilt and Frisius organized members to make squares for the project.

The two women have personal reasons why they would spend $380 each on an airline ticket and travel to meet a woman they never saw before.

D'Andria readily admits she has a fear of cancer. Her father was treated successfully for breast cancer but her mother died from stomach cancer when Pat was only 15.

Five years later, D'Andria had to have a benign lump in her breast removed. And four years ago doctors removed another benign lump in her breast. She is at risk, but does not have cancer.

Frisius is also fortunate. If Burge is the support group's worst fear, Frisius is their best hope.

She is a breast cancer survivor. In 1994, she had a lumpectomy, radiation and chemotherapy to treat the disease.

Frisius attended support groups in person but found them depressing. She had no family in the area and the friends she counted on for comfort abandoned her, she said.

She decided to try the Internet and found a home page set up by the Lifetime television network for a breast cancer support group chat room.

No one used the site at first, but Frisius invited people to join and now she uses the site five hours a day and organizes scheduled meetings. Men, particularly those with breast cancer, are encouraged to join.

About one-third of what users talk about is everyday chitchat, including biographical information.

Another one-third of the messages is devoted to serious discussion about breast cancer, where participants are encouraged to talk at length about their fears and their questions.

The rest of the time spent in the chat room is simply for laughs, an important part of the meetings. Members joke about topics such as the top 10 reasons it's great to be bald (after chemotherapy.)

Participants talk longer than they would have time to with a doctor and are able to ask questions that loved ones may not handle well.

"They're so scared when they first come on," D'Andria said of new members who either have breast cancer or are at risk. "Three weeks later they're cracking jokes."

While there are many publicized and horrible accounts of rendezvous that occur after people meet on the Internet, D'Andria has found her experience to be a positive one.

"I think this is one of those circumstances where it brought people together," she said. "It's weird to feel close to someone before you've shaken hands."

Frisius agreed.

"There's a bond that happens really quick," she said. "People call each other sisters."

The quilt is signed, "...from friends you have met on the Internet."

(The Internet address is www.lifetimetv.com/chat)