Two women in Burge's online breast cancer support group surprised her by flying to Georgia, bringing a quilt pieced together with squares fashioned by other members.
Although they had never met face to face before this week, the trio quickly kicked off their shoes and fell into the easy conversation of longtime friends.
``They're exactly what I thought they'd be, except taller,'' said the petite Burge, 50. ``They're my best friends in the world.''
The computer is evolving into a source of consolation and companionship for millions of Americans, in online support groups for everything from arthritis to xanthinuria. On its health channel, America Online runs hundreds of weekly support group chats and maintains thousands of bulletin boards where members can post messages. CompuServe, Prodigy and the Microsoft Network also offer scores of groups. On the World Wide Web and on newsgroups, health-related sites abound in support groups and advice forums.
``Sure, people can get on the computer to research their illnesses, but what they really are looking for is community, someone they can talk to,'' says AOL's Ellen Taylor, health channel programming manager.
Diagnosed with breast cancer in September and told that she might last only six months, Burge vowed to live on her own terms. A stroke in February waylaid her for only two days before she checked herself out of the hospital, telling doctors, ``I'm going home. I don't have enough time to waste here.''
'When you go to the doctor with Ronda and see on paper all the things that are wrong, you're ready to just about write her off,'' says her sister Debbie Cleghorn of Warner Robins. ``But you can't. She's just a little powerhouse.''
Burge stepped into the world of online support gingerly, refusing even to give out her e-mail address because of safety concerns. Now, she hands out her telephone number.
``I learned more from the group about breast cancer than I did from my doctors,'' she said. ``You wouldn't believe the fear you go through when you hear `cancer.' These women have been through it.''
Burge is an example of the powerful friendships that can be forged online. ``When the communication is anonymous, there is a safety that promotes more intimacy and more risk taking,'' says Eloise Stiglitz, a Georgia State University clinical psychologist.
The willingness of online compatriots to eventually lift their fingers from the keyboard and shake hands in person doesn't surprise Stiglitz.
``I know people worry about who are these people on the other end of the computer, but, as these women from the breast cancer group show, there is a humanness about it,'' says Stiglitz. ``These are not weird people. They really care about one another, to the point of hopping on a plane.''
Susan Frisius, 50, of South Hadley, Mass., and Pat D'Andria, 42, of Griswold, Conn., admitted to some nervousness about their face-to-face encounter with Burge and a dozen members of her boisterous extended family, who were carrying cameras to record the historic occasion.
``You don't know what kind of situation you're walking into,'' Frisius said. ``But we found validation that Ronda was who she said she was, a loving person we cared about. Her real voice had come through over the Internet.''
More than a few tears fell when Frisius, D'Andria and the quilt arrived at the suburban Conyers home of Burge's sister Gail Hair. Frantic herself after Burge's cancer diagnosis, Hair prowled the Internet to find a support group to help both her sister and herself. On the Lifetime Online Web site http://www.lifetimetv.com/healthtimes , Hair stumbled into a breast cancer chat room that Frisius was struggling to revive.
The group has grown from four to more than 40 since January and meets several times a week, including Sunday nights at 8. Some regular participants, such as Hair, are family members anxious to learn what they can do for their loved one.
A novice quiltmaker, D'Andria had suggested the quilt one night when Burge was too ill to chat. Members loved the idea. So did Burge, who fingered their handiwork and wept as she read their messages of encouragement to ``KayKay,'' her online name.
Laughter resounded during the rest of the 24-hour whirlwind visit, which ended Wednesday morning. ``Look serious,'' D'Andria admonished Burge during one of the many moments when a camera was pointed at them. ``I can't,'' replied Burge. ``I'm too happy.''
Through her online network, she said, she has moved beyond her initial bitterness to a more hopeful place. ``I was angry. I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for. I had three kids, three grandchildren, three sisters, my mom and dad.''
While she has defied her death sentence by a few months already, Burge doesn't intend to stop there. In July, the breast cancer forum plans to assemble in Denver. And Burge promises, ``I'll be there.''
In the picture, Pat (Patsy the quiltmaker) is on the left, Ronda (Kaykay) is in red, Gail (Ronda's sister Wildhair) is the blonde in the back and I (susan) am on the right.
BCforum is the chat room where the Internet Breast Cancer Support Group meets. If you need support either because you have breast cancer or know someone who does, I urge you to come join us. We meet at 8 pm EST every evening for information, hugs and laughter!
We also have meetings for the men in the lives of those with breast cancer. These meetings are held Wednesdays at 8 pm EST (New York time) in the Men'sRoom. If you're a person with breast cancer, please tell your husband/significant-other/son/brother/father/friend/co-worker the room is for them. The Men'sRoom is hosted by David, his wife was treated for breast cancer in 1993.
To get to the Men'sRoom click on the heart. 
Please email me if you have any problems accessing BCforum or the Men'sRoom!
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will go to help those with breast cancer who have met on the Internet,
meet in person!
